7 years ago, I moved to a new state. Being born and raised in Utah, I ended up in a state that is quite different, Nebraska. I was 15 and it felt like the end of the world. I knew no one and no one knew me. Kinda made me question my entire existence. I was alone at a high school with no friends for the first few months. I spent months sitting in the library during lunch to pretend I was studying. When really, I just didn't want to be seen eating alone. I didn't want to come off as someone who didn't fit in or couldn't make a friend or.... weird. After a lot of time alone, I realized that a lot of the things in my little world that seemed like a big deal, really didn’t matter. They mattered so little, it’s mind boggling. Things like what other people think for example. I mean that’s a hard one to get over but it really is well...to put it simply: stupid. No one really cares enough to notice your flaws in the way you do. No one really thinks "Oh they're sitting alone, they must be untouchable" It's actually more likely that someone would eventually come along and sit with you. But we overthink. We look towards external sources for reassurance rather than finding it from within. Especially at a young age. It' feels like a necessity to have the approval of others. As a young teen, figuring out your place in this world, trying to understand yourself in this world that no longer seems so playful, but more brutal and judgmental. Needing that constant validation from others. Maybe it’s about your outfit, or if they post a pic of you on their snapchat for your birthday. Or if you were invited to a hangout that you didn’t even care to go to. Or even so little as getting acknowledged for the fact that you exist. That validation is the kind that we all want. but are never satisfied by. That’s the kind of validation I wasn’t getting and finally realized I no longer needed/ wanted. The only validation that truly truly worked was the validation that came from me- and just from me. I began to do what I wanted, simply just because I wanted to. And with that being the only reason, makes it valid af. I did so much of what I wanted that I did some pretty cool shit. Just because I wanted to. After doing that day after day for a while, I began to see that I was genuinely cool. The things I do are cool. The things I like are cool. I randomly found myself impressed with something and tell myself like "damn. that’s dope" or "damn, that's cool" not because others thought it was cool, but because I did. Genuinely. I then found myself repeating "Damn, I'm dope" I began to believe it. Speak it till you see it type of shit. One day, after getting home from school, going straight to the gym, then walking my dog, going on a run, making a meal, and posting a home workout that inspired my friends back home and in Nebraska, I looked at myself in the mirror and said “you’re dope as fuck” and that was it. That little quote I told myself was as catchy as the god damn State Farm jingle. I began to tell it to myself every time I felt it....and even when I didn’t feel it. Especially then. I said it so much that I began to live it. It wasn't about how many friends I had, the clothes I wore, if I was the best athlete or not, how many followers or likes I had on socials. It's about Who I am. The things I do may be cool, sure sometimes. We won't always remember the cool things that we ourselves do, or others do. We remember people for who they are. Who you are is the coolest part about you. It's a small, four word sentence but that's the one that stuck. So just know that I mean it when I say:
“you’re dope as fuck”
We use cookies to analyze website traffic and optimize your website experience. By accepting our use of cookies, your data will be aggregated with all other user data.